O God - I want to want what you want. Help me to want to be what you want me to be. Here I am Lord I come to do your will.
Who am I? What does the Lord want me to be? What has the Lord called me to do?
I was born in Saint Louis and grew up in Nashville most of my life. I’m a sophomore at Saint Louis University and I am studying social work. To do what? Good Question!! I am discerning between doing school social work, adoption social work, or pregnancy crisis counseling. (pray for me!)
I truly believe that God places desires on our hearts for a reason. Since this summer, I have felt a deep calling to create a space to publish my contemplations on my faith and how it is intertwined with the world around me. To all my friends who listen to me ramble on about my deep thoughts, you can skip over this. For others who would like to delve into this mystical soul of mine, keep reading. I am not sure what this space will hold, but I know the Lord has given me great gifts and thoughts to share with you all. So...who am I?
Throughout my prayer journal, the question that is written over and over again is, “Lord - who do you say that I am” and the answer to this is echoed throughout my life.
I am God’s child. My relationship with the Lord is one based on simplicity and pure love. I look to Him as my father and my heart simply jumps for joy at the sight of His presence. I often relate my relationship to the Lord to the one that my dogs have with me. When I walk into the front door of my home, I am attacked with love and eager eyes and sloppy kisses from 4 adorable dogs. That is the inside of my soul when I see my Lord.
I am a sister. This is a role that brings me a lot of anxeity as I want the absolute best for my siblings. It involves driving my siblings and their friends here, there, and everywhere. It ivnolves frustration, but so much love from them and the broader community we have created amongst eachother’s friends.
I am a friend. Something I have been surveying inside of myself lately is the projection of love I have for others. It is something really cool that I can physically feel in my heart. For anyone who knows me, knows that I love and care with my whole being. I simply love humans and would love to be friends with all I encounter.
I am a role model. This is an idenity that I am so proud of. Growing up, I knew I wanted to be the girl others looked up to. There are 2 main ways by which I live my life: by glorying God and with & for others. In achieving who I have wanted to be, I couldn’t just let God into my life on Sunday, but into every corner of my life.
I am a servant of God. My whole life I have felt a calling to be with and for others. In doing this, I have fallen in love with dedicating my life to service. In my current stage, I fulfill this through being in a learning community at SLU, Micah.
I am a beloved. I am so dearly loved in many aspects in my life. I have a Lord who loves me so dearly. I have a family who loves me. I have communities that outpour love on me such as St. Joseph and Micah. Being in community with others is such an important part of life in order to be loved and to love.
I am a Catholic. This is the idenitiy that I hold most near to my heart. My identity as a Catholic has given to me the best relationships and enourmaous amounts of joy. It has given to me the bread of life, the Eucharist that I have so deeply fallen in love with.
I am a student. I am FINALLY in a place where I am joyful in this title. I am a very curious person about the whys and what ifs of the world. This lead me to social work and I find so much joy in discovering the ways in which I can lift up the servants of God.
All these things are true but who specifically does the Lord say that I am?
St. Teresa of Avila reflects on this, “Each of us has a soul, but we forget to value it. We don’t remember that we are creatures made in the image of God. We don’t understand the great secrets hidden inside of us”
I believe there is so much beauty in this. Inside of us is who we are. For I know, the Lord has crafted me. He made me all that I and all that I am not. He made me with a simple uniqueness that bears within it my vocation.
Deuteronomy 30:14 states, “No, it is something very near to you, already in your mouth and in your hearts; you have only to carry it out”
Within me, within us is who we are. But how do we reveal this?
We must ask. We must over and over again run to our Father, our Lord, the one who created us in His image and likeness. Let Him help you uncover the reason He made you, the desires He places on your heart, your vocation. We were His idea, made in His likeness. He made us on purpose.
This journey of finding myself through the eyes of the Lord has been filled with struggle, hurt, sooo many tears, sooo much confusion, but an immense amount of growth and joy. This growth has come with much beauty in learning how to wholeheartedly trust our Lord and love him.
In my experience, to do this. I had to develop a relationship with God. We were not created to bear this all on our own.
Saint Teresa of Avilia speaks on growing in this intimacy with our Lord. "For mental prayer in my opinion is nothing else than an intimate sharing between friends; it means taking time frequently to be alone with him who we know loves us. The important thing is not to think much but to love much and so do that which best stirs you to love. Love is not a great delight but desire to please God in everything."
Something I have learned in this is our Lord desires our love as much as we need His. He yearns for us to come and cherish Him and hold Him near to our hearts. He thirsts for that one on one time with us.
We can ask and ask the Lord in our prayer who we are and bring Him our worries, but at times, it is that in between, that silence in which we receive that answer. Sometimes it is a desire, the Lord speaking to you himself, the Holy Spirit working through others, or the Lord just taking a moment to cherish you and give you grace, peace, rest.
So - Who does the Lord say that I am?
At this point, the only thing that matters is I am His. I am His daughter, His beloved, redeemed by His blood, called to be His disciple and friend. I am created in God’s perfect image. I have been given gifts of empathy, faith, and a servant heart. Yet, I still pray to see what He sees in me and others. I want to be a saint, but more importantly, I want to be what God created me to be.
You know I don’t know where you all are in your life, why you are reading this, or who you are, but I know Jesus does. I ask you to seek the answers to these questions and continue seeking our Lord’s love . Turn to Him and Ask Him : “Lord, who are you to me.” “Lord who do you say I am?” and then listen with your heart
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